Life Without Health Insurance

One of the super fun things about being a writer without a steady, full-time job is not having health insurance. Now, I'm not a big complainer-I have the constitution, attitude, and pain threshold of your average donkey (I almost died in high school because my doctor thought I only had indigestion and for three days I sort of dealt with it, until the pain could truly no longer be ignored because my appendix was on the verge of bursting RIGHT INSIDE MY BODY AREA). I have gone without any health insurance coverage for a full ten years this upcoming May (hey Class of 2002 alumni,it's time for your ten year college reunion!) but let me tell you, it's taken a bit of creativity and good luck (aka don't get any major diseases, such as cancer).

Take this evening, for example. Whilst you were undoubtedly partying hard this Friday night, I was snipping off a skin tag/geodesic dome from my inner thigh, not so far from my intimate fun-times area. The key to any home surgery is, of course, a combination of booze, something sharp, and a lack of anyone happening to be around to talk you out of it. I simply sharpened my mother's old ginger sewing shears, doused them in rubbing alcohol, tied off the skin tag at its base using dental floss, and gave her the old snip-a-roo! Wham bam thank you Internet chat board, I'm a new man!

Yes, you too can get by just fine without health insurance-just take a gritty, do-it-yourself approach to things and drink a lot. The above example is just one of many (I've had glass dug out of my foot, put together my own little broken pinkie splint, had one or two antibiotic Rxs called in by a friend of mine, etc.). Now go out there and tread really, really carefully!

Postscript: Once severed, the little sad skin tag resembled the decapitated head of your average earthworm. I flushed it down the toilet, in case Nemo was looking for a late night snack in the sewers of St. Paul.