Have you ever noticed that, in fiction or in movies, a character giving advice usually isn't listened to? If some weird dude says, "Don't go down that road and turn left into that foggy field or else a demon will rip your eyes out," then of course the other character laughs off this advice (or warning--I guess a warning is just advice with an implied threat of calamity weighing it down) and goes down the road anyway, or in spite of the advice, and gets their damn eyes ripped out. You could actually say that advice in a fictional realm is almost like a backhanded kind of prodding, a way of showing the main character's chutzpa, and the closer to a rouge cop the character is, the more likely they'll really not listen to advice. And usually it's pretty good advice, in the main character's best interest. It's the sort of advice that if you didn't listen to, in real life, you'd probably would be fucked right quick (and there'd be no wacky vindication down the road, either).
Sometimes, to combat this, writers will have the main character listen to the advice and act on the advice, but this is almost always because the advice comes from a ROGUE AGENT. I personally dislike backstabbing characters as a narrative device, not only because they disagree with my sense of fair play in the war of Good versus Evil but because they seem to be a rather easy narrative device. For example, that one traitor dude at the end of the second Matrix movie. WTF?!? Also, as soon as I realized that the new Battlestar Galactica series would turn on the screw of "Who can you trust? Cylons are everywhere!" I just stopped watching. Because fuck it. I don't feel like playing guess who for fifty hours.
Your thoughts on advice? Do you listen to it or ignore it? I, of course, ignore any advice that is good for me, because I invariably do everything the hard way, and I'm practically fictional in my own right.
My Agent is Awesome
My agent, Jonathan Lyons of Lyons Literary LLC, is a good guy. We've been together since, uh, 2004? Originally Jonathan represented a novel I wrote titled Knocking Over the Fishbowl, but after a full two rounds of rejections (by rounds I mean it went on so long new editors appeared and were submitted to at the same publishing house) we had to let go of Fishbowl (a comedic literary novel I still really like) and move on with The Suicide Collectors. And that only sold after a year of submissions.
Agents typically make 15% of what you make, and since I've made barely anything so far, Jonathan has somehow subsisted on 15% of almost nothing. I suppose he views me as a long, long, long term investment, and I truly hope I pay off for him. I'm just glad he has a full and lucrative client base to draw on and let's me along for the ride. I think the secret is to find an agent when they're young and still full of hope, just like you are as a writer, and only bother them when it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
Here's a recent seven question interview Jonathan did for Writing Raw (note: it is a pdf file).
Agents typically make 15% of what you make, and since I've made barely anything so far, Jonathan has somehow subsisted on 15% of almost nothing. I suppose he views me as a long, long, long term investment, and I truly hope I pay off for him. I'm just glad he has a full and lucrative client base to draw on and let's me along for the ride. I think the secret is to find an agent when they're young and still full of hope, just like you are as a writer, and only bother them when it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
Here's a recent seven question interview Jonathan did for Writing Raw (note: it is a pdf file).
Attack of the Killer Pumpkin!
Last Sunday I carved a pumpkin at a pumpkin carving party. This morning, I awoke to find that it had sunken inward so much that I wondered briefly if the cat had jumped on it repeatedly, like Garfield in a comic strip. Peering into it's enormous cyclopsian eye, I noted a dark, thick woolly fungus lining its entire interior. And a smell, oh, what a smell! So it was obviously time to get rid of it.
But the killer pumpkin had other ideas.
It came apart at my touch, so I just couldn't pick it up and toss it. So I got a plastic bag and tried to fold it into that, now dizzy with killer pumpkin mold, and the damn thing broke apart further and released a special watery gross liquid that dropped me to my knees. Keeling over, I managed to reach for a second plastic bag and scoop the remaining pumpkin guts into that, folding the whole mess into a giant toxic burrito. Mustering every last ounce of resolve I had (which wasn't much, because I hadn't had any caffeine yet) I managed to stagger outside with the pumpkin corpse in my arms and heave it into the dumpster out back as chilling rain poured upon my head.
Rest in peace, carved pumpkin, and haunt this place no more!
Halfway There
I reached the halfway point of the first draft in my novel-in-progress last night. I know it's the halfway point because I've written a bare bones outline (see Plotting Your Novel! below) and, at the moment, there's forty chapters plotted and I just finished Chapter 20. Also, it's at page 150, and that's a good round halfway point.
I don't know if it's like this for all writers, but for me, the number aspect of writing a book always looms large. It shouldn't, but it does. I try to write at least 1,200 words a day covering about 5 pages. If you were to do this every day, in exactly 60 days you'd have yourself a 300 page rough draft. Of course, it doesn't work out so easily and there are several days lost to weekends and periods of time when the book isn't developed enough in my mind to go forward, and I have to sort of mull it over by playing video games, going on walks, and just generally not thinking too hard about the book. I also have to take breaks in the current novel to go back and edit the one before it as it goes through various stages of production.
I'm well aware that mere numbers and word output doesn't exactly make a great book, but I guess I use numbers to keep myself motivated (as if starvation weren't motivator enough) and to track the novel's progress as I go along.
I don't know if it's like this for all writers, but for me, the number aspect of writing a book always looms large. It shouldn't, but it does. I try to write at least 1,200 words a day covering about 5 pages. If you were to do this every day, in exactly 60 days you'd have yourself a 300 page rough draft. Of course, it doesn't work out so easily and there are several days lost to weekends and periods of time when the book isn't developed enough in my mind to go forward, and I have to sort of mull it over by playing video games, going on walks, and just generally not thinking too hard about the book. I also have to take breaks in the current novel to go back and edit the one before it as it goes through various stages of production.
I'm well aware that mere numbers and word output doesn't exactly make a great book, but I guess I use numbers to keep myself motivated (as if starvation weren't motivator enough) and to track the novel's progress as I go along.
Heart-Shaped Box
I'm reading Heart-Shaped Box right now. It's by Joe Hill, the writerly chip of the old block of Stephen King. I've read almost everything King's written, consider myself a fan with reservations, and it makes for a surreal experience to read a book by his son in the same horror genre King works in. It's a good read, very quickly paced, but I'm having trouble giving a crap about the main character as he fights for his life. I'm only halfway through, so maybe I'll be won over by the end, but he feels like your standard, aging, jaded rock singer with a ready made "dark" background attached (his father didn't like him playing the rock-n-roll!). As I'm whisked along the fast paced plot, with the characters' back stories sort of wedged in along the way, I can't help but feel like no matter what happens I won't be surprised, and not in a Greek tragedy way, either. More like an okay, sure, kind of way. Also, for those of you who have already read both, I can't help but feel like I'm having Thinner flashbacks as I go along. I hope I never piss off anyone enough to make them put a curse on me/send a ghost to haunt me.
But it is spooky, and nicely fucked up in places, and a good diversion as the snow falls here in St. Paul, a full week before Halloween.
Plotting Your Book
Hello, there! Would you like advice on plotting your book? Awesome! We here at Blogagaard, Inc. are here to help!
The first thing you have to decide is whether you'd like to sell out or write a book that's unique and actually interests you. This is not a choice to be made lightly! If you sell out, you can use a generic plot slapped together from other books in the genre you choose to write in. The only important thing, besides opening a "savings" account, is coming up with a good hook to sell the book and a really snappy title. And then POOF! You've made some money.
But if you'd rather write in your "voice" (God help you) be prepared for a wild, roller coaster ride through a Tunnel of Agony. Expect people not to "get it" because your book is "different" than other books, but THAT IS OKAY! You can always sell out with the next book!
Now, on the subject of plotting. I would suggest you have a compelling first chapter, starting with a compelling first sentence, and then a compelling second sentence, etc. Are you still with me? GREAT! But now you're asking, what about the second chapter and so on? Well, that's simple. Keep writing compelling sentences! And try to create what is called a DRAMATIC NARRATIVE ARC, which is basically a line that keeps rising with tension and intrigue until it reaches a narrative CLIMAX, and then trails off a little while everything is wrapped up.
I know a lot of writers do extensive plotting of their novels, using flow charts and spreadsheets and note cards, but try it the Oppegaard way: write a one sentence outline of each chapter after you're about twenty pages into the book while drinking whatever beverage inspires your creative mind (tequila works for me, for some reason). And then, as you go along, consult this outline and rewrite it and reshuffle it until it looks like you've gone insane. And then, KAZAAM!
You've plotted a book!
The first thing you have to decide is whether you'd like to sell out or write a book that's unique and actually interests you. This is not a choice to be made lightly! If you sell out, you can use a generic plot slapped together from other books in the genre you choose to write in. The only important thing, besides opening a "savings" account, is coming up with a good hook to sell the book and a really snappy title. And then POOF! You've made some money.
But if you'd rather write in your "voice" (God help you) be prepared for a wild, roller coaster ride through a Tunnel of Agony. Expect people not to "get it" because your book is "different" than other books, but THAT IS OKAY! You can always sell out with the next book!
Now, on the subject of plotting. I would suggest you have a compelling first chapter, starting with a compelling first sentence, and then a compelling second sentence, etc. Are you still with me? GREAT! But now you're asking, what about the second chapter and so on? Well, that's simple. Keep writing compelling sentences! And try to create what is called a DRAMATIC NARRATIVE ARC, which is basically a line that keeps rising with tension and intrigue until it reaches a narrative CLIMAX, and then trails off a little while everything is wrapped up.
I know a lot of writers do extensive plotting of their novels, using flow charts and spreadsheets and note cards, but try it the Oppegaard way: write a one sentence outline of each chapter after you're about twenty pages into the book while drinking whatever beverage inspires your creative mind (tequila works for me, for some reason). And then, as you go along, consult this outline and rewrite it and reshuffle it until it looks like you've gone insane. And then, KAZAAM!
You've plotted a book!
The Librarians Walk Among Us!
This morning I drove out to St. Cloud, MN to speak on a horror genre panel with author (and editor at Skullvines Press) S.D. Hintz at the MN Librarians Association conference. The event took place in the St. Cloud Civic Center and was surprisingly noisy for a building packed with librarians. The civic center there is also the home of the Minnesota Baseball Hall of Fame which, God willing, Joe Mauer may sneak into someday now that he's earned his third batting title while still in his mid-twenties. There were a lot of cool Twins memorabilia items in glass cases, an enormous Louisville slugger with Kent Hrbek's name on it, and a lot of pictures of local baseball legends from places like New Ulm, Rochester, etc.
Our panel, which was actually split up by a St. Paul librarian named Jennifer giving a great 9,000 word presentation on the horror genre and then S.D. and I answering questions/talking about horror from our angle, was packed and went well. Jennifer talked about a sub-genre called splatterpunk which I hadn't known even existed, but it does, with really graphic violence and sex and seems to be aimed at making the reader uneasy, with Clive Barker and Poppy Z. Brite standing out as two such authors. We also talked about why readers like to read horror in the first place (it's a catharsis, it makes your own non-being-chased-by-evil life seem better, you really get behind your protagonist, etc.) Here's some horror titles Jennifer recommended in case you're looking for a freaky Halloween read this fall:
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (1959)
Books of Blood (1-3) by Clive Barker (1984)
The Ghost Stories of Edith Wharton by Edith Wharton (2006)
I Am Legend by Richard Matheson (1954)
The Wolfman by Nicholas Pekearo (2008)
Naked Brunch by Sparkle Hayter (2003)
The Overnight by Ramsey Campbell (2005)
Our panel, which was actually split up by a St. Paul librarian named Jennifer giving a great 9,000 word presentation on the horror genre and then S.D. and I answering questions/talking about horror from our angle, was packed and went well. Jennifer talked about a sub-genre called splatterpunk which I hadn't known even existed, but it does, with really graphic violence and sex and seems to be aimed at making the reader uneasy, with Clive Barker and Poppy Z. Brite standing out as two such authors. We also talked about why readers like to read horror in the first place (it's a catharsis, it makes your own non-being-chased-by-evil life seem better, you really get behind your protagonist, etc.) Here's some horror titles Jennifer recommended in case you're looking for a freaky Halloween read this fall:
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (1959)
Books of Blood (1-3) by Clive Barker (1984)
The Ghost Stories of Edith Wharton by Edith Wharton (2006)
I Am Legend by Richard Matheson (1954)
The Wolfman by Nicholas Pekearo (2008)
Naked Brunch by Sparkle Hayter (2003)
The Overnight by Ramsey Campbell (2005)
