All is chaos. We have been abandoned by those we elected to lead us, to tend to our roads and zoos and state parks, as they themselves have been blinded by stubbornness and stupidity. Cast adrift, we the citizens of Minnesota can only fight for scraps as the dogs of war snarl among us and our babies go hungry.
Today I killed a man with a spork. I didn't want to do it, but I felt impelled to act, to seize my destiny instead of eating it...with a spork. Our hands brushed briefly at the local KFC (yes, brushed) as we both reached for our respective eating utensils, goofy looks of longing plastered upon our faces, and suddenly I couldn't take it, couldn't take this damn state shutdown one moment longer! So stab, stab, stab, you know the old story-suddenly there's blood and chicken everywhere and I'm out on the streets again, sweating like a demon straight out of a Richard Simmon's jazzercise video, running as fast as my legs could carry me. And o, o so hungry.
Luckily, there's no law anymore. At least not in Midway, where the extensive, soul sucking light rail construction site lies empty for twenty city blocks, a veritable charnel house of ruin and scavengers, while I dwell here in the House of Cain.
Yes, that Cain. Sometimes we play Scrabble and I let Cain win because, let's face it, that dude is CRAZY.
Stay tuned for more MN shutdown updates!