Sedaris Has Left the Building

He showed up like a hurricane, ransacked my life, and now Sedaris has gone once more. He just left with a doo rag bundle filled with Snickers bars tied to the end of a stick, hobo style, and said he was going to walk the rails south until he found some wolves he could run with, whatever that means.

Maybe it was all this new space in my apartment that got to him. Or perhaps it wasn't the same with a new microwave, new stove, and new air conditioner. Perhaps he loved my previous appliances so much he formed a soul bond with them, a soul bond that refused to be broken.

Whatever it was, the mutherfucka's gone now, bitches.

I think I'll listen to "Alone" by Blues Traveler now, the live version from "Live from the Fall".
Damn it, John Popper. Why'd you have to go and lose that weight?

7 comments:

Kelly said...

It's probably just as well.

Becca said...

Did he leave you any pillows?

Your heart will heal. Some day. Give it a couple years.

Lex Ham Rand said...

Amy Sedaris dropped by for a cup of green tea the other day and she said that Sedaris told her that he was going to leave for a while, but that she thought that he would return.

Those new appliances, evidently, still have that creepy "new appliance" smell.

Alex said...

Go fill up the tub with Whiskey, you'll be alright my friend.

shortygrrrl said...

I bet he felt neglected and left out -- he probably wanted his own alien suit, too.

Blogagaard said...

I still have the pillows. I've burnt toast to break in the appliances. I've bathed in whiskey and ordered a spare alien suit.

Still, I don't think he's coming back. Funny how you never really know anyone, only your perception of that person, which can be wildly mistaken.

Becca said...

Maybe Sedaris will read this and come back. Just try not to rebound with another writer. Of course, Augusten Burroughs is a cutie...

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