This House is on Fire

As I woke this morning a prophet stood over me, wrapped in beautiful white linens. He pointed a finger at me.

"These are dark times," he said. "Hogs are in power and the mice are scared. The sky has turned gray, and thunderclouds lick the ground with forked tongues of lightning. No greater evil exists than what lies in a man's heart, and the NY Times best sellers list frequently features stupid books. Americans have grown watersoft. This will not end well, and after it ends, no one will care. What have you to say to this, slovenly one?"

Squinting, I sat up in bed.

"It's too early for this shit, man," I said. "Let me sleep, David Sedaris. And put those linens back in the hamper, would you?"