So Many Death Grips, So Little Time
This afternoon I tried out the Vulcan Death Grip on my co-worker, Nate. He did not die. Or slump over in dramatic Star Trek fashion. I fear I am doing it wrong. Which shoulder nerve did Spock pinch, anyway? Can you really kill someone that easily? Is it adjustable? Sometimes people didn't die when Spock did it. I fear my co-worker will rebel against my murderous attempts. You know what was cool? That five fingered death touch from Kill Bill Volume 2. That was pretty sweet.
I love you, here's my death grip.
Blogagaard Loves to Ponder
About Me
- David Oppegaard
- St. Paul, Minnesota
- I am the author of And the Hills Opened Up, The Suicide Collectors, and Wormwood, Nevada.
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8 comments:
Does your coworker "deserve" a Vulcan Death Grip? Or, is it a Darwinian-type thing?
You weak minded fool!
No no no. You need the Vulcan mind control powers to go WITH the death grip or it just doesn't work.
God, do I have to teach you EVERYTHING?
(Oh shit -- I'm mixing universes again. Someone call for my psychiatrist.)
more like a bug-nate-because-I'm-bored thing. nate's my boy. we order breakfast bacon pizza sometimes.
Michele, what if we could combine Vulcan AND Jedi powers? That would rule!
It's approaching 2 Am. I am drinking blanco tequilla from a Baltimore Orioles shot glass. It makes a fine sipping drink. My grandma brought it for me from Mexico. Here's to my Grandma, who's been asleep for about five hours already.
I sort of feel like lighting a physics textbook on fire while reciting the chemical process of flame over and over, quite loudly. Would that be art? I shall ask David Sedaris. He's sitting quitly in my library right now. What an odd little man, bless him.
The only solution is to practice on yourself until you get it right.
I'm afraid I can't help you with proper death grip techniques, but I am glad to see you are spending your time wisely at work.
Hey, it's me, Alex. The evil machine would not accept my password.
Mikey, I've already tried that. I'm not flammable. I think I'm just too well hydrated.
Alex, the machines will take over eventually. Everyone knows that, we're just waiting for it. It'll be cool.
If I ever publish a short story collection, I think I'll call it "I love You, Here's My Death Grip". What a cool title.
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