Found on Craig's List! Quick, You Fantastic Tit Lovers! David S. and I read This This Very Eve!

HERMIONE LOOKING FOR HARRY!! - 26


Reply to: pers-156187054@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-04-30, 7:50PM CDT


Here is the situation:

One of my best friends is totally hot, long curly auburn hair, hot glasses, curvy, wears skirt and tight sweaters, has FANTASTIC TITS, and is smarter than you. She is a total nerd in the hippest sense of the word, gragarious, bouncy, and generally in a really good mood and up for most things. Now, the dating situation for women in Minneapolis has me and all of my friends pretty much ready to jump out a window. It's gotten to the point that these emo-loser boys can't even fucking take us out and throw us down on the bed ready to stick it in and and also make for brilliant conversation. Fortunately, I have managed to snag myself a real hot looker who knows how to fuck, go out, and have a good time. But her? We're still working on that.

So:

I challenge you to email me, talk, go out with me, and have me screen you for her. I will show you pictures, I will let you know all the ins and outs of her personality, I will tell you her family secrets. Upon my approval, (and maybe a couple of our friends' approval as well), you will take her out and show her a good time. Please be able to have brilliant conversations. Send me pics. No CV necessary. Let's have fun!!

13 comments:

Blogagaard said...

What I wonder is, how does this friend possibly have permission to pimp Hemroine out like this? They must be pretty close friends...or what if Hermoine isn't real! What if this is all some elaborate setup???

Blogagaard said...

David Sedaris thinks the narrator is being too hard on "emo-loser boys". He says they're just doing the best they can.

Something dirty said...

Yeah, this is creepy.

Something dirty said...

But funny. And Dave Sedaris is probably right, as usual.

Blogagaard said...

SD, I can't even fathom the mind that wrote this personal "for her friend". Is this how twenty-something women really think these days? And what guy in his right mind responds to this personal? Here's a hoop, boy! Jump through!

Alex said...

I hope it's a joke. I would hate to think there are women out there who would actually describe their friends breasts on a public forum, or ever.

Here's a clue, from my personal experience, women rarely say "tits".

Blogagaard said...

and then there are frat boys, who call everything good and right "tits". As in, "That's tits, man."

Lucas said...

Is there no limit to the stupid things people use for slang?

David Sedaris said...

As long as there are stupid people, there will be stupid slang.

Helen Keller said that.

Blogagaard said...

I keep rereading this personal ad here on my blog and the more I read it the more brilliantly vulgar it seems, sort of like it's so bad it's good sort of thing.

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