David Sedaris Keeps Buying Pillows

Since he arrived late last week, David Sedaris has bought approximately forty-seven pillows. They're everywhere. They fill the apartment, harmful accidents are down, and when I sleep at night I dream of unlawfully removing their tags. How many sheep had to give their fleece for these pillows?

I'm not even sitting on a chair right now. It's a huge, rickety pile of pillows, and my head keeps bumping on the ceiling of my apartment. David says we should invest in a hooka. That sounds about right.

Oh, look. Another pillow. Thanks a lot, David Sedaris.