Beware, Girl Frenzy!

Reading the Star Tribune on-line edition this morning, I could not help but make the connection between the tornadoes that blasted through Iowa yesterday, killing at least one person, and the B5 pop concert at the Brookdale Shopping Center here in the Twin Cities. Here is a quote from the Trib’s report on the concert:

“But just as B5 finished its first song -- "You Got Me" -- and started the second, an enthusiastic fan jumped on the stage. Within seconds, the crowd surged forward and onto the stage, sparking what one witness called "total chaos." Witnesses and law enforcement officials said several girls were stepped on, the band was whisked to safety, and the Brooklyn Center mall was cleared and closed for more than two hours. Four people were taken to North Memorial Medical Center in Robbinsdale where they were treated for minor injuries and released. Five others were treated at the scene.

Brooklyn Center police officials said no one was arrested "I was right in front," said Andrews of Minneapolis. "Girls were running on stage, security guards were throwing them off. The girls were tearing off [band members'] clothes.” It got so bad that shopkeepers near the stage area in the mall's Marshall Field's Court pulled young children who had been separated from their parents into the safety of their stores."

Well, well, well. As if the avian flu wasn't enough to worry about. Or war. Or homelessness. Or Aids and cancer. Now comes the dreaded Girl Frenzy Epidemic of late 2005. Lock your doors, people. Do not play anything by this so-called B5 boy band, which I've never heard of and may or may not actually be a bunch of vitamins singing and dancing, a la the California Raisins. If you see a twelve-year-old girl who looks a little too ecstatic, make sure have a fire hose handy.

10 comments:

David Oppegaard said...

Where the hell are all my peeps? This post was Grade A blogging. Every night, I wake up screaming, and I mean SCREAMING, about girl frenzy.

If I could hug the world I would.

Clurg said...

My computer didn't update. Sorry. I read that there was a naked man with a head band running through the crowd that started the initial frenzy.

David Oppegaard said...

I just reread this post. Why wasn't there a guy standing in the middle of the frenzied girl crowd who could just fire a gun into the ceiling and say, "Clear out, people"? That always works in the movies.

Something dirty said...

Believe it or not, I used to be a 12 year old girl. And we were vicious. I was never into boy bands, though. Those must be some hot, hot vitamins to cause this sort of bachannalian frenzy!

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog makes me smile. Thank-you!

David Oppegaard said...

Thank you! We here at Blogagaard appreciate every ounce of patronage we can get. Sadly, we are validated by any form of attention we can muster.

Something dirty said...

ye gods. my friends CN & RF are at the Gwen/Black Eyed Peas concert as I type! You know the feral junior high chicks will be out in force. O my little Rainbow, I pray for thee!

David Oppegaard said...

That concert can't be a good thing.

It just can't.

Anonymous said...

I shed actual tears of tween emotion at the Duran Duran concert in 1985. My physical being could barely contain whatever inexplicable force took control over me and made me so fixated on a band. I still don't understand it. I mean, they wore make up and tons of hair product and shredded clothing. They over accesorized with cheap jewelry and focused their music around synthasizers. Don't ever try to understand the teenage female brain. It is a strange, strange world that I hope to never visit again.
Lucas

David Oppegaard said...

Yet, it is 20 years later and everybody still knows who Duran Duran is...Can anyone imagine this so-called "B5" having that sort of lasting power? Christ. When I took communion, my last real official anything with the lutheran church, I got a Milli Vanilli tape for a present, and I was estatic!

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