Teenage Pregnancy Is the New Conservative Cool!

McCain: So, you knocked her up, eh? Good for you, lad! Back in my day, we had our women pregnant by fourteen so we'd have enough farmhands, seamen, and D-Day infantry soldiers. Now you two just get married before November and I won't bitch slap you back to the stone age!

Boy: Yes, sir! Do you like my Alaskan sweater? Can you believe this slight St. Paul chill? Unbelievable! it's got to be like...sixty degrees today!

Paulin's daughter: I'm pregnant! I'm 17 and pregnant and my mommy's a governor! Of Alaska!

McCain: And I couldn't have picked a better Vice President, young lady! You know, in case I pass away from old age and someone needs to run this country, why not this random person? Did you know she's a former beauty queen?

Boy: Don't talk about dying, sir! You look very hardy!

McCain: Boy, I feel hardy! Hardy as the dickens!

Paulin's daughter: We should all go to the Mall of America this afternoon and shop for baby clothes together!

McCain: My god. I can't move my arm. I can't stop making my hand convulsively squeeze your bicep, lad. What's happening? Sharp, shooting pains...

Boy: You know what? I in no way have been pressured into this situation! I love being a teenage soon-to-be father/husband! This is fucking sweet! And look at all the great media coverage that comes with it!!! I'd be knee-deep in pussy right now if...you know...I wasn't going to be a teenage father husband!

McCain: Oh god. Someone call FEMA. I feel...so cold....

Paulin's daughter: I hope we have triplets!!!!!!!


pete osborne said...

Man, oh, man, Dave. That made my day.

Yesterday I saw a post that dubbed the Republican ticket the Maverick and the MILF. That got the cubefarm a-chatterin'.

Enjoy the rest of the convention. I hope it hasn't been too much of an inconvenience.


Lex Ham Rand said...

OMG that's so funny I almost fell out of my chair!

Blogagaard is back! Where's Sedaris? What's he been up to? Is he here at the RNC too?

Blogagaard said...

Thanks, guys. Sedaris is about as far away from the RNC as it's possible to get, though that would be funny.

The Maverick and the MILF. I like that. They should make bumper stickers.

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