Unrealistic Super Bowl Prediction!

In stunning fashion today, the Minnesota Vikings defeated the New England Patriots to win Super Bowl XLII, 42-0.

NFL rookie of the Year Adrian Peterson, running like a freight train, flying like an airplane, rushed for 439 yards and six touchdowns, marking the only game in NFL history where the winning team did not attempt a pass or make any attempt to hand the ball to another player. Surrounded by a small legion of purple clad sorority girls in the Vikings jubilant post game locker room, Peterson sucked down tank after tank of oxygen while miming several stiff arms, spin moves,and other assorted running back moves. Finally he downed one last tank of oxygen (the tenth, by this reporter's count) and beat his chest fiercely, shouting, "I run GOOD! I run beyond Land of Pain, and DESTROY TINY Patriots! HAHAHAHA!"

As for the Patriots, they looked worried from the start. On their first offensive play of the game, Tom Brady threw to Randy Moss on a simple slant route across mid-field. Unfortunately for Moss, he did not see that 500 pound defensive tackle Pat Williams had dropped back into pass protection. Moss caught the ball at full speed and was promptly decapitated by a Williams' clothesline tackle. Williams then collected Moss' head, helmet and all, and booted it into the stands, an impressive punt that caused several fans to scream just as they had settled into their seats. Williams was flagged 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct, but remained in the game, registering 24 tackles, three sacks, and five forced fumbles.

After losing Moss, the Patriots offense sputtered all game, failing to cross even mid-field. By the third quarter a distraught Tom Brady could be seen crying into Bill Belichick's gray hoody, soddening it like a six year old girl with pony cancer.

3 comments:

Ken McConnell said...

Are you a Viking fan? Seriously, New England needs to go. I am so sick of them already.

I'll stick to my college games.

I'm waiting for Spring Training...

Blogagaard said...

Yes, I unfortunately am a Vikes fan. They break your heart seven ways from Sunday, when not out committing misdemeanors. I'm a fan of all the MN teams.

Lex Ham Rand said...

Oh, so funny. And so ACCURATE!!! You can see the FUTURE, bloggy!!!

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