Writing Prompts

Up in the Boise foothills every day we give the kids writing prompts and let their imaginations soar, a la the red wing yellow breasted blackbird titmouse great horned warbler. Please, allow me to present you with these helpful writing prompts (I stole this parody idea from some dude in McSweeneys, but the prompts are 100% Blogagaard).

1. You've just slept with your father for the first time and afterwards he slaps you on the ass and tells you to take out the trash. You hate taking out the trash. Flush out the ensuing conversation.

2. You've been hired to take out a llama who owes the wrong person money, but instead of whacking the llama you fall in love with it. What next?

3. You're an alcoholic algebra teacher fighting for his job in a cold small town. Your one special talent? You make the numbers come alive by rubbing your body on things, such as furniture.

4. Tell a story from the point of view of Paris Hilton's vagina. Bonus points if the story is set in prison.

5. Your toaster is channeling the voice of your high school football coach, who died last week in a thresher accident. He wants you to stop sulking and be a man, and perhaps rob a liquor store along the way.

6. You're a woman in her mid-thirties who can't find a husband and likes to scowl and eat ice cream. Suddenly, you're dating Optimus Prime, and you like it.

7. You live in Boise, Idaho, and can't find your TV remote. Where the hell did it go?

All right! I hope these prompts helped spur you on to greatness. Feel free to post your stories as comments!