How To Catch A Pterodactyl

You may not think Blogagaard knows a lot abot trapping ancient birds of prey, but you would be wrong. Or misguided, if you will. For you see, we here at Blogagaard are experts on catching pterodactyls.

In fact, we are such experts that we managed to spell pterodactyls on the first try, without spell check. Suck on that!

Anyways, here are some helpful tips:

1. Use exciting bait! Say, if you were trying to catch a blogagaard, you'd use a bottle of gin, some nudie mags, and season 2 of the Office on DVD (or Deadwood). For giant ancient birds of prey, may I suggest tuna?

2. Keep up with their migration patterns. It's no use trying to catch a pterodactyl in January if your neighborhood experiences peak flyover times around June. Remember, be smarter than your prey!

3. They love the sound of Mariah Carey, played very loud as if she's not embarrassing to the entire human race (did you know Carey has now outsold the Beatles?). I don't what's up with that chica, but her voice is a flying predator magnet!

4. Wear gloves!

5. Lots and lots of nets, made out of the pubic hair of virginal handmaids. A weaving activity everyone can do together!

6. It helps if you drink a lot. Gives you that cocky caveman edge, Grrr!

7. Try not to fall asleep. If you do, they may carry you away with their powerful claws and drop you into a nest of ravenous fledgling mutherfuckers.

8. If you get in trouble, fire a flare gun. Depending on location, I should be able to make it there in between five and ten minutes to help you, or at least provide succor.

Well, that's pretty much covers every possible question you may have. Happy hunting!