Hardworking Blogagaard Imagines Conversation Between His Two Cacti Back on the Homefront
Spike: I can't believe I'm 10 in human years . That is so old.
Spike, Jr: What? No. You look great! Don't worry about it. I wish I was as pointy as you.
Spike: You're just saying that.
Spkie, Jr: No! I really mean it. You look great.
Spike: Thanks. I appreciate that.
(Some cactus time elapses)
Spike: Sigh.
Spkie, Jr.: Now what's wrong?
Spike: Life is so meaningless. All we do is sit on this windowsill and wait for the Supreme Water Giver to open the curtains in the morning and shut them at night. There must be more to life than this.
Spike, Jr: What? We have a great life! What more could you want?
Spike: I would like...I would like a hug.
Spike, Jr: A hug? Cacti dont' hug. We're not the hugging type.
Spike: Yes, I know all the rules. Still, I dream. I dream, big time.
Blogagaard Loves to Ponder
About Me
- David Oppegaard
- St. Paul, Minnesota
- I am the author of And the Hills Opened Up, The Suicide Collectors, and Wormwood, Nevada.
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10 comments:
So you don't think the cacti are plotting against you when you are gone? or, why the hell not, when you are there as well?
"I will prick his finger. I will prick his finger. I will prick his finger. I will prick his finger..."
What exactly is "cactus time"? Is it different than regular time? It must be, because a Saguaro has to be at least 50 years old before even 1 arm grows out of it. Imagine how old those really huge ones with like 5 arms are. Hmmmmm. A Cactus Pause to think....
No Sd, I don't think they're plotting against me. In fact, they may be the greatest allies I have in my entire apartment. I worry that they hate winter, though, and are getting a little brown. I've had spike since middle school or something. My g-ma brought him back from Texas. Spike Jr. is about three years old, very cute and friendly. I have been pricked many times by these cacti, so I am used to it.
Lucas, cactus time is a great and profound as your imagination. Wait. That's "The Never Ending Story". Man, that movie was a huge influence on me as a kid...
Spikey - Do not dispair! The sunshine will hug you back tomorrow. And, after the solstace, it will come to visit you in your window sill more and more each day. Soon you'll both grow bigger and more spikely and more radiant. - Erika
For Christmas, I'm going to give my cacti a healthy dose of water laced with cocaine. Now that's caring!
Message from Amethyst Vineyard's now-deceased aloe:
'Dear Amethyst.
I have spent weeks trying to understand why, one day, you decided that I didn't need any more water, ever. Was it because my new shoots made me look fat? I could take it when you stopped greeting me with the words 'Allo, Aloe'. That was kind of annoying anyway. But to be left, waterless, in that dusty corner in your living room, with your dog brushing her nose up against me whenever she felt like it... it was more than I could take. I leave this world hoping that you will treat your next succulent with more dignity.'
Oh. My. God. I forgot about Nick. I knew it would happen someday, but so soon? I'm disappointed with myself. I dread finding him, all droopy and dying. He was kind of near the heater too....what have I done?
Plants are terrible, terrible burdens.
Yeah, he's super dead now. Bummer.
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