Blogagaard's Memory Called Into Question, Yet Again
Alright my peeps, you remember this photo from a few weeks ago? When I went "Over the Top" and devestated three people in a bar with my mad arm wrestling skills? Well tonight, while attending a great open mic reading at Hamline (the writing program's talent pool seems to be increasing every semester) I saw one of the people I'd arm wrestled, yet for the majority of our conversation it seemed to me that we were meeting for the first time. I thought she looked familiar, but everyone looks familiar to me these days. I'm not kidding. Anyone can shake my hand, smile, and nod as if we have a shared history between us, and I'll freaking believe them.
I mean, this girl is very attractive, fun to talk with, etc. etc., yet nothing kicked into my brain until the end of the night. What's next? I start forgetting where I live? What century I'm in? Have I dwelt in the land of fiction for so long I process the reality of my own life with slapdash editing?
I don't know what's going on, but it's certainly leading to awkward social encounters for the good people here at Blogagaard. Maybe I'll retreat back to my hermit hole and and try to memorize the collected works of Stephen King...
6 comments:
David,
No!!! The only way to address this problem is to take every opportunity to get OUT of your hermit hole and just practice until you get better. I too suffer from the affliction of "This-person-acts-like-they-know-me-but-I-have-no-freaking-idea-who-they-are-or-how-I-know-them" disease. I used to think it was due to overconsumption of alcohol till I dried up for 6 weeks and found it didn't help any. I'm not sure if I was relieved or disappointed. Our disease is truly a curse but if you retreat and let it best you, you have no hope of ever getting any better. C'mon David, give it the ole college try.
BTW, Where were YOU Friday night?
For my location on the night in question, I've already told our good friend Apparition Jones: I was aiding a crack team of ethnic Albanian freedom fighters in their attempt to take over Disney World. Needless to say, we failed or you would have heard about it on the news. Did you know that Mickey Moiuse carries an RPG launcher in that giant suit?
Why would going out more help? Wouldn't I just meet more likeable people to forget and then offend later? How can one practice their way to instant recognition? Maybe I should have everyone I meet fill out a flashcard with their picture on it...
First of all, best excuse ever for missing an event. Sorry for the failure of the mission but understand your need to get out there and support the causes you believe in. Now for the rest of it......
You know, about 6 months ago, I lost two cell phones in one week and was having trouble locating my keys and various other items. I was bitching to someone bout how I never used to be "that person" and how out of control my life had become when she gave me some very good advice. "You are not, in fact, out of control. All of your items and belongings are, in fact, completely within your control. Who else is in control of your life if not you? You just need to take charge of your life. Pay attention to where you leave things. Run through a checklist of what you have with you before going somewhere. I think you will find a big improvement." You know what? She was right. I stopped losing things once I started paying attention. Same thing goes with people. When I start zoning out and not paying attention or when I forget someone's name the second after they've told it to me, I try to snap myself to attention. I will ask their name again and then try to associate it with something. Boring-know-it-all-bad-breath-Bill is an association that will help me remember Bill's name next time he tries to bore me. I also find myself taking a harder look at people to notice anything that may help me remember them. Hey, that's some fierce mole Boring-know-it-all-bad-breath-Bill has on his face there. Looks like Enrique did before the dermatologist got to him. You get the idea. So get out there and take some control over your life David!!!
She's a friend of mine, David. I'll re-introduce you as many times as you need me to.
Man, Lucas, now I'm all inspired! And a little sleepy for some reason.
Michele, I thank you, but I got this one person covered now, I think. What about everyone else I ever meet? Can you magically appear, whisper their name and occupation and where the hell I met them before? You could be my version of Ziggy, from Quantum Leap. Man, now there was TV programming.
Whoops. I meant Al from Quantum Leap. Ziggy was the god-like future computer Al consulted to tell Sam just how fucked he was in this current episode.
You know, maybe my job is partly responsable for my ailing memory. I see about thirty-forty people everyday, most of them new to me. I can spend an hour helping someone pick out glasses, studying their face shape and everything, and then a week later they come in and I can't even remember them. This ol' processor can handle only so much data, and stuff constantly gets expunged, sometimes to the detriment of stuff I'll need later.
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