Blogagaard Considers Smashing Office Stereo
Apparently it has been ordained by my boss's wife that we must have the Christmas muzak station playing at all hours for the entire month of December. Now, I'm not against Christmas music per se, but this is quite excessive. I'm haunted by sentimentality everywhere I go. I'm trying to work and suddenly I'm assalted by melancholic images of a bygone time I never even lived the first time. Perry Como and Dean Martin croon incessently, and if I hear that "So This is Christmas" song one goddamned more time I might just smash the office stereo by throwing it under a passing semi-truck out in the street.
Blogagaard Loves to Ponder
About Me
- David Oppegaard
- St. Paul, Minnesota
- I am the author of And the Hills Opened Up, The Suicide Collectors, and Wormwood, Nevada.
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16 comments:
Might I suggest you aim for your boss' wife's head instead? Much more satisfing thud I promise you but you may lose your job. Oh, maybe you could rig it to look like an accident? Then you get all the satisfaction with none of that nasty "you're fired!" aftertaste.
Thank you, Lucas. That's the kind of heads up advice I could use right now. I better go stretch my stereo chucking arm....
Glad I could be of service. Just be careful with that stereo chucking arm. I'd hate for a stereo chucking injury to interfere with your promising arm wrestling career. Better talk it over with your coach first.
You're right! I need a strength and conditioning coach. Any volunteers from my peeps? Please state any reasons you would make the perfect coach I am looking for.
We're going to play tennis.
I miss tennis, Captain, I really do. I haven't exerted myself ina physical manner in a great while.
Fuck. "So this is Christmas" just came on the radio. I'm not kidding. I am dead serious. AHHHHHHHHHHH!
uh oh. Captain, I'll need you to bail me out, dude.
David,
Acting out of anger is for the weak. Next time, wait, observe, plan and I'll bet you get away with it. And just for the record, I used all my bail money yesterday after Geoff was arrested for jaywalking!
I just ordered a new credit card, my man. I got you covered!
My recommendations are guerilla tactics and culture jamming. Are you able to 'accidentally' unplug the stereo every time you walk by? Can you find alternative carols on CD? I think CN has a punk rock xmas cd, but you might find that equally offensive.
I tried using gorilla tactics last year, but my boss got mad as I started eating bananas and flinging my feces to and fro.
Back to the lab again.
Just get into it. Get happy! Start singing 'The Little Drummer Boy' at customers, ask your boss and his wife what they want Santa to bring them for Christmas, start lecturing about the joyous season and Little Baby Jesus in booming tones. That might work.
Office update 12/15/05:
Still considering smashing office stereo.
I was wondering. Is it Kool 108? Can you request compassionate leave?
yes it is. they say fucking "kool" every couple of seconds. like Kelly, also considering seppuku as honorable way out.
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