Blogagaard Despondent Over Future Penis Funeral
I awoke early Saturday morning awash in stomach acid, my back in flames, and no idea what the hell was happening to me. I took two Alieve, drank a glass of milk, and returned to my slumber, wholly unaware that this bodily pain was only a precursor to much bigger trouble.
When I awoke for good Saturday morning, around 10:40 A.M., I lay in bed for five minutes looking up at the ceiling, thinking that today would be a good day filled with productive happenings. Then my best friend Mike called and announced he had gotten engaged the night before, catching Blogagaard wholly off-guard. Sure, he had a girlfriend of slightly over one year, but this? To throw it all away, so young and still healthy? Blogagaard's friend was not even getting fat.
Why God, why?
(And don't say true love, you son-of-a-bitch!)
Blogagaard Loves to Ponder
About Me
- David Oppegaard
- St. Paul, Minnesota
- I am the author of And the Hills Opened Up, The Suicide Collectors, and Wormwood, Nevada.
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4 comments:
Ok, well....
My mom made me?
If Mikey loves her, bloppegaard, you should be happy and supportive and tell him it's going to be great and you're happy to be able to experience this great life change with him. Otherwise you're just sour grapes, my man. And penis funeral? Mikey will get more action than most, at least for six months. You should throw him a party (and purchase him soothing creams).
Captain, I fear you've been watching too much Dr. Phil. If I acted all supportive and happy, like a normal person, how would that make for an interesting blog?
PS. I stole the penis funeral line from Seinfeld. I hope his people don't come after me.
And I am happy for you, Mikey. Just bewildered in a world where everyone seems to tow the same company line.
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